Funny Quotes

I am an idealist. I do not know where I go, but I'm on my way.
Carl Sandburg

I joke to just a few dollars to have. I have maybe a few dollars more.
James Brown

I'm not a real movie star. I still have the same wife I started with twenty-eight years.
Will Rogers

I am steadfast in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair.
Hillary Clinton

I've never been married, but I say I'm divorced so they do not think there is something wrong with me.
Elayne Boosler

If God wanted us to look at the diamonds he had on the floor.
Joan Rivers

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
Mel Brooks

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin

If my films make one more person miserable, I feel that my job done.
woody Allen

If truth is beauty, how come nobody has his hair done in the library?
Lily Tomlin

If two errors are not right, try three.
Laurence J. godfather

In the comics, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner

It all started when my dog ​​started getting freeroll in minutes.
Jay London

It is a scientific fact that your body does not absorb cholesterol if you have the plate of another person.
Dave Barry

It is easy for me to love myself, but for the ladies to do that is another matter.
Johnny Vegas

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he descended from man.
H. L. Mencken

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
lenny Bruce

Moderation is a virtue in those who are believed to have an alternative.
Henry A. Kissinger

Money will not buy happiness, but it will be the wages of a largeresearch staff to study the problem.
Bill Vaughan