Funny Quotes

I rant, therefore I am.
Dennis Miller

I took my hair this morning, this evening, I watch the highlights.
Jay London

I refuse to any club that would have me as a member to join.
Groucho Marx

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged toanother church.
Paul Lynde

I spent a year in this city, on Sunday.
George Burns

I think serial monogamy says it all.
Tracey Ullman

I think she's a Barbie with a clear-cut.
Ellen DeGeneres

I used to Snow White but I drifted.
Mae West

I used to jog but the ice cubes falling into my drink.
David Lee Roth

I used to sell furniture for a living. The problem was, it was mine.
the Dawson

I was born under very sad. Both my parents were very poor.
Norman Wisdom

I slept the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
Emo Philips

I was next door to child's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips

I washed a sock. Then I saw it in the dryer. When I took, it was gone.
Rod Schmidt

I wear a necklace, because I want to know if I'm upside down.
Mitch Hedberg

I wish I had the courage to look.
Paul Lynde

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Bertrand Russell

I want to talk in iambic pentameter and easier.
Howard Nemerov

I luv to kiss you, but I washed my hair.
Bette Davis

I've never been in the game long enough for the flowers to die in the locker room.
Mercedes McCambridge