Funny Quotes

Between two evils, I always choose the one I never tried.
Mae West

Raised to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid he did.
Bette Davis

By trying we can easily endure adversity. , Another man, I mean.
Mark Twain

California is a great place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen

Hygiene is always important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'Rourke

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright

Leave a flattering woman coax and cajole and deceive you, she is after your barn.
Hesiod

Do not forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad'sDay third wife.
Jay Leno

Based on my good command of the English language, I saidnothing.
Robert Benchley

Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin

The dream of every man is to be in the arms of a woman sinkingwithout falling into his hands.
Jerry Lewis

Everyone knows how to raise children, except for people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten his name.
Milton Berle

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
Victor Hugo

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Bill Cosby

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major groups of guilt.
Cathy Guisewite

First get your facts, then you can distort them as you want.
Mark Twain

Go to heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain

God did not intend religion to an exercise club.
Naguib Mahfouz