Funny Quotes

A child of five would understand. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx

A friend is not a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always count on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw

A James Cagney love scene is when he saw the other man.
Bob Hope

Many baby boomers are Bongers.
Kevin Nealon

A nickel is not worth a penny more.
Yogi Berra

A stockbroker urged me to a stock that would triple the value eachyear to buy. I told him: "At my age, I did not even buy green bananas."
Claude Pepper

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife canspend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner

A two year old is like having a blender, but you do not have a record for him.
Jerry Seinfeld
A word to the wise is not necessary - it's the stupid that need advice.
Bill Cosby

All men are equal before fish.
Herbert Hoover

Okay everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
Casey Stengel

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will appear.
Bill Cosby

Every girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still andlook stupid.
Hedy Lamarr

He who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
buddy Hackett

As I got older, I prefer to knit.
Tracey Ullman

Be obscure clearly.
E. B. White

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
P. J. O'Rourke

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim Carrey