Famous Quotes

I always wanted, but now I realize that I would have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin

I'm not afraid of death, I will not be there when it happens.
Woody Allen

I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and fries.
Stephen King

I bought some batteries, but they knew included.
Steven Wright

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.
Warren Buffett

I can not sing, dance or act, what else could I be but a talk show host.
David Letterman

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to food.
W. C. fields

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
Imelda Marcos

I distrust camels, and anyone who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis

I have no bank account because I do not know the maiden name of my mother.
Paula Poundstone

I'm not looking up from my family tree, because I know I am the juice.
Fred Allen

I need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
Stephen Fry

I do not think anyone should write their autobiography until after they died.
Samuel Goldwyn

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg