Funny Quotes

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure of the universe.
Albert Einstein

Until you walk a mile in the moccasins of another man can notimagine the smell.
Robert Byrne

We love you as you are, if you are perfect.
Alanis Morissette

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin

What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?
W. Peter Clement

When I go to a bar, I'm not looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.
David Brenner

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
George Burns

When the court a cute young girl seems one one second. If you sit on a charcoal seems half an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin

You are only as good as your last haircut.
Fran Lebowitz